03
Jan
15

Recovery

When we speak of the word recovery, the first thing that comes to mind is someone recovering from an illness and I suppose that is true.  However, I am speaking of recovery in a different aspect.  I know some of you just thought of recovering an object or money or possibly a friendship or relationship, but alas they are not the ones I’m referring to either.  Nor am I referring to recovering from an injury…or am I?

I would suppose one could say I am recovering from an injury.  No, not the one I sustained from domestic violence but of the assault I endured this past September.  I have mainly kept this to myself but now it time to recover and speak up.  I have spoken to a few friends like Paula and Mark and my dear friend Jerry S.  and I am in counseling receiving therapy for what I have endured.

Yes, I was a domestic violence victim and sustained horrific injuries from that.  As I was doing my best to recover from that both physically and emotionally, I endured an assault from someone I trusted most.  I never imagined in my wildest of dreams the degree of betrayal I would sustain.  This person tended to my most difficult injuries and the recovery from those.  This person directed my path of recovery.  This person was my doctor.

I was in his office for my daughter.  She had been ill and I had brought her in for care.  Much to my surprise my doctor told my daughter to take a seat in the chair and that he was going to check mommy.  Now this was not my appointment and I said as much.  However, he said I could consider this a two for one deal.  He said he needed to check my blood pressure because it had been running high from the pain I was in.  I agreed to the check-up and took my place on the examining table.

He checked my blood pressure and then asked me about the pain in my shoulder and my back.  Now I am not going to go into exact detail because this is still quite upsetting to me, but I will say that in front of my 12 year old daughter my doctor placed his hands down my pants and and entered areas that has nothing to do with my back or shoulder.

I was shocked to say the least.  I could not speak, I could not say stop, I could not say no.  I could only stare at my daughter and pray that she didn’t see what was happening.  He finally told me to tell him to stop and in an almost inaudible voice I said stop.  He asked me to please tell him to stop and as I tried to hold back the tears, I did.  Then he said we have to stop before this is hurt both of us.  To top off my humiliation, I was at the end of my menstrual cycle.  I had just been assaulted in front of my daughter while on my cycle and could not speak up to say no.

I carried a horrific guilt until my counselor told me this wasn’t my fault.  I filed a police report on the matter, however, they decided due to the fact that I had filed charges against my ex-husband before for assault and that I had previous law suits for worker’s comp and two car accidents, that this was not worth destroying the career of an outstanding doctor with an impeccable reputation.

I was appalled.  A detective had come to my home and collected the clothing I had been wearing as well as putting me through a rape kit examination and after this they decided not to press charges.  As of this date, they have still not sent the clothing they collected for examination of epithelials.

I am still recovering which brings us back to recovery.  There are so many types of recovery.  I wish you all the best in yours and I will continue to strive for mine.

Happy New Year! May it be blessed with good health, great friends, and prosperity 🙂

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10 Responses to “Recovery”


  1. January 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    How horrific. I am so sorry this happened to you. Something definitely should be done. I am so glad you are speaking out any way you can, and writing about it may be cathartic, but I know it can’t even come close to repairing the violation and humiliation you felt in that situation. I certainly don’t agree with people in powerful positions taking advantage of others because they feel they can. Please know you are in my thoughts, and I hope you can find closure from this terrible experience.

  2. January 28, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    I am sorry you had to go through this. I am sorry your doctor was an ass, and the police were almost as bad.
    I hope you find peace soon.
    However, I would advise you talk to your daughter about it. She was present and is now more inclined to think this is the normal way for doctors to behave. She may not have seen much, but she probably picked up on what the emotions were in the room. Please, talk to her, or have her come to counseling with you once and ask to talk with the support of your therapist.

    The reason I’m saying this is because if, later on, you realise your daughter is suffering similar assault, you won’t forgive yourself for not having spoken up. At least I know I would have a hard time forgiving myself.

    Good luck.
    XO


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