Something Different

I know that my norm is to talk about domestic violence, but today I would prefer to talk about something different.  You see, I am not always so bleak lol I do have a happy side…I just don’t always show it.  That is because I like to inform people of what can happen and help them prevent it.  But like I said, I would like to talk about something different :)Have you been in a position where you had to go on a new first date?  No not the one with your long time lover but the one where you are starting life anew.  How many of you just jumped right in?  How many of you wore the crown of procrastination?  How many of you made the date, but then had something come up so you could cancel?I for one earned the crown of procrastination when it comes to dating.  Now mind you I am not one that really likes to talk about my personal life, but sometimes you need to to let others see another side of you.  Now I have not dated in the past four years since my incident.  I have been asked out, but I always put them off.  I always have other plans (which mostly include a movie with my kids).  I always find a way out of going out with someone new.  Now some of you may think that it’s because of the trauma and drama I went through and you would be partly right.  But it’s not just that.  I can’t make myself go out.  I can’t take that first step.  I can talk on the phone (and I am good at that lol) and I can email or write real letters, but I cannot say yes to going out.  I say that sounds good and I’ll get back to you on that.Am I lonely?  Yes, sometimes.  Don’t I want the comfort of someones arms?  Yes, I do… sometimes.  I just can’t seem to do it.  Believe me I have tried and I hope that someday I can.  I have seen so many handsome men out there that I have thought ‘I would really like to go out with him’ and when he asks, I get scared.  Not just because of the trauma, but because I am so afraid that I will do something wrong.  You see, I don’t know how to date anymore.  Now if he were to ask me to go horseback riding, I would be there in a minute…or not.  No seriously, I love horseback riding, I would just be afraid to do that without other people.  I can’t trust myself lol.  I have years of unhappiness bottled up inside and I am so afraid of taking it out on someone else.  I sometimes feel as though I am walking on eggshells.  Now is the part where you tell me that it’s all in my head…Go ahead, leave a comment lol…These are things I need to hear.   Will I listen?  Who knows, but if someone cares enough to give me advice, I will respect them enough to listen and think about what they are saying.To begin dating again is no easy task.  Especially when you know you have baggage and you would really prefer it to be unclaimed.  No I’m not talking about kids.  Kids are important and they will always be no matter if they are mine or someone else’s.  I mean all the stuff in the back of your mind that you are thinking and start talking about.  The drama that you let escape your lips and never meant to because it was just too soon to say something.  I mean all that ‘he did this to me’, ‘he left me with this’, ‘he didn’t do that’.  You know what I mean.  So you see, dating isn’t easy.  I know that some people say that it’s like riding a bike, you never forget, but you do.  When you have been married to one person for a while and you are used to the way that person is, it’s hard on that first date not to compare.  I know in my instance I would be thinking, ‘no he isn’t like him…he is actually nice’ and then maybe ‘oh no he does that too?’.  So I would really like to try something different…like a new first date, a new first kiss, the comfort of two strong arms, but alas, I am too afraid.  I guess the question of the day is: Which matters more, fear or desire?  The need to hide from the world or the need to find someone to love you for the rest of your life?Perhaps one day I will be able to try something different.  Perhaps one day I will let the fears and doubts subside.  Perhaps one day I will meet someone that makes me forget the past ever happened…Perhaps one day I’ll try something different and give someone a chance :)Now your job is to comment and give me your two cents.  Isn’t that what we’re here for?  To support each other?  Now give me some support lol and tell me what you honestly think.  I really do welcome your opinions and advice.Have a beautiful evening and give that special someone a hug.  Let them know that they are special.  XXX OOO  Talk to you soon 😀

via Something Different.


6 Responses to “Something Different”

  1. 1 aedmonds315
    June 11, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    Reblogged this on Annie's Blog and commented:
    This is why woman don’t put themselves out there. And why it takes them a long time to open up with another man. Teresa is one brave woman, follow her blog..

  2. 2 aedmonds315
    June 11, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Tre, you are a brave women and I give you so much credit for even trying to go on a date. What you have been through and continue to go through would make any woman want to hide for ever.

    But you are strong. And you have so much more life to live. Try going out with another couple. Meet the date at a crowded place. Get to know him with your friends watching and feeling him out too. One day the right man will walk into your life and you will become the woman that we all know you can be.. Don’t give up, you deserve happiness and companionship just like every other woman out there. Take it slow.. Hugs from Jersey my friend..xoxo

    • June 12, 2014 at 12:53 am

      Thank you so much. They are words that mean more to me than you will ever know. Dating just became harder though I can’t explain that now. I will always stay positive as long as I have a friend like you 🙂

  3. 4 aedmonds315
    June 14, 2014 at 5:40 am

    Well, I’m waiting for an update, haha..Did you at least go horseback riding, with a real horse, haha..Just hope your not giving up..hugs..

    • June 15, 2014 at 2:33 am

      Lol No I didn’t ha ha. I just ride Honey once in a while, she has been there for me no matter what and since her stablemate was killed, she likes the company 🙂
      T do intend to start dating again but that first step is tough lol especially when you have to tell someone “Oh by the way, I can’t have heavy sex where you need to breathe hard” lol I think that would go over like a lead balloon ha ha. But someday I will be confident enough, hey, he might even find it amusing that slow and steady wind the race ha ha ha 😀

      • 6 aedmonds315
        June 16, 2014 at 12:41 am

        You’ll get there. And when you do OMG! That man isn’t going to know what hit him. Lol…You deserve happiness, love and kindness, oh and a millionaire would be nice too. Just as easy to fall in love with a millionaire as it is a regular Joe. might as well go for the Millionaire..

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