The main question I am asked at any seminar is why?! Why did this happen to me? Why did I make him/her do this? Why can’t I leave? Why am I so attracted to this person? I can not always answer these questions. I am not you. I can not pretend to be you or feel the things you feel. All I can do is give my best answers to the why’s i know a little something about. The first question: Why did this happen to me? There is no logical explanation. There is no logic to domestic violence. Most abusers do so for their own insecurities and DO NOT feel sorry for them, they know better! I can say if you had been prepared earlier in life for potentially hazardous relationships, your odds of being a victim would have been lessened. You did not cause this, which brings me to the next question: Why did I make him/her do this to me? You didn’t! No one makes another commit this vicious act. It is not always easy to tell what will set an abuser off. However, if they are set off by something that they said you did, then you know immediately that you need to leave this relationship NOW because the alternative will not be pretty, which leads me into the next question: Why can’t I leave? For most women the reason is simple: Sex! Sex is the number one reason why the majority of women do not leave a dangerous relationship. The make-up sex is so intense and the kind words are ones that an abused woman longs to hear, making it difficult to leave. She believes that he loves her and this is how he gains control. Now for men, it’s pride. How many men do you now that want to admit that their wife or girlfriend is abusing them? Very few if any. The only men that I have ever know that report a woman for abusing them, are the men that are abusing their wives or girlfriends and when the wife or girlfriend makes a complaint, the man will make a counter complaint stating that woman was abusing him first (which is what makes it difficult for men who are genuinely being abused).  Why am I so attracted to this person? It is the adrenaline rush for some that comes with the sex and some that believe that in order to be loves, they first must be physically abused. Some it is extreme fear. The fear deep inside that says if they do leave they won’t live long after. The fear that the outside world may be a lot more dangerous than the one they already have knowledge of. Why’s are not easy to answer unless you have some insight as to what a person has been going through. I can answer without hesitation all of my why’s but they may not be what you need to hear or what you want to know. Most yearn for love and will take it in any form that it decides to show itself. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find love that didn’t come with the price of flesh? Hurt? Or any other cost other than just pure desire and true feelings? Yet some will not walk away from their violent relationship. Why?


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